alone. all over again.

feel free to not read if you do not tolerate emo-ness.


and he finally left.

i have been crying the whole day and night. finally dozed off for a couple of hours in his arms last night after crying silently and cuddling with him, for probably the last time, till god knows when. i held his hand firmly, not wanting to let go, while i accompanied him to the airport. i braved myself and blinked back the tears all the while, not wanting him to see me cry, even while he checked-in for the flight. but i completely broke down when he walked me back to the bus. i hugged him so tight, bawling. he kissed me and waved me goodbye. i didnt want to look back because i didnt want him to see me crying this way.

i cried silently while i rode the bus back, alone this time. i spent the whole evening with darling ma crying and singing along to sad songs at redbox ktv. and the whole night downing liquor, beers, cocktails, champagnes and shooters at GSIX with my babes.and so i got drunk and vomitted so badly that my stomach hurt so much. the tears just didnt seem to stop flowing. i just cried my heart out and fell asleep in GSIX office, woke up around 3 completely sober again. with a stinging pain in my heart. knowing that he wont be there to pick me up and nag me all the way home for making a fool of myself like he always does whenever i get drunk.

and now here i am. alone all over again. in my room. on his side of the bed. wearing his tshirt and boxers. sobbing uncontrollably. flashbacks of our memories have been playing in my head the entire day. i miss him so bad. and every single thing seems to remind me of how lonely i am right now.

i've never felt so empty inside for a very long time. i cant sleep now that i'm sober. crying doesnt seem to fill the emptiness, it doesnt ease the pain i feel inside, nor does it make me feel any better, but its the only thing i can do right now.

please wake me up from this nightmare i'm living. come back to wipe my tears, kiss me goodnight and cuddle me to sleep. please. i'm so used to sleeping next to you and having you snore next to me. the silence and loneliness kills me. i dont want to sleep alone, without you, but i'll have to learn. ='/