random thoughts

i've been viewing many high school friends' blogs
it been a long time since i talked to them or even replied them
except those who are really close to me
i guess i have actually isolated myself from them
they're nice people
but perhaps
i'm a different person now
i'm more emo than i have ever been
don't get me wrong
i'm not a social outcast
i have a huge and yet very close circle of new friends now
i feel so comfortable with them
and of course peer pressure has affected my life in many ways
it just seems weird to suddenly chat up a former schoolmate
whom i never really cared about in school
i guess
people do change
maybe i'm not bothered to stay in touch with everyone
maybe i want excitement and new stuff in my life
maybe i'm just not keen with the idea of school and everything related to it
whatever it is
i've changed so much these few months
i used to jump at any chance to go out
especially if there is someone paying
for my shopping fetish
for the nice expensive dinners
for the drinks and entries to clubs
for about just anything i need
i'm not material girl
i just love being pampered
but it's different now
switching off my phone to avoid crappy calls
and it really pisses me off to know how stingy some guys can be
when they misscall and expect you to call back
come on
if you don't have cash or too stingy to spend it on calls
then don't call at all
misscall-ing or telling a girl to call back
makes you such a cheap ass
i'm making excuses for not meeting people up
although i have promised them previously
decline offers to drink dance get stoned and party a wild night away
making up sickness for dinners and movies and every crap they can think of
perhaps i have really changed
i'm keeping my distance
i'm attached and commited to him
and i won't let anything sabotage our relationship
not anything which would break us apart
i miss him so badly again
=(
i didn't sleep again last night
thinking about what we used to share
it brought tears to my eyes again
why am i this emotional?