a happier me in uni

i't s hard to believe that
i am already in uni
i'm barely even 18
but it feels great to be in uni
especially a wonderful feeling
to be in the best law school around
i'm definitely
overwhelmed by pride to be here
haven't blogged a lot recently
was busy with orientation and
adapting to a whole new environment
i guess i'm different now
new friends keep telling me
how cheerful i am
ask me how i'm always so happy
i just laugh it off
they don't see my history and
all the tears i shed in the past
but i'm gonna bury the past
live a new happy life
and seriously,
i'm quite happy here
i feel very free and loved
i've made my name here
almost everyone in the faculty
and residential college
knows the noisy friendly girl
by the name VIVIAN
first week was much crappy
had a few stupid arguments
with some shitty malay asshole
but forget it
i built my 'fan'base and am very much happy
met loke, shuang, huiyee, seeyee
and all my college besties
although we are in the same uni
it's kinda hard to meet up
distance and time constraint
but it feels great to have them with me here
they are my pillar of strengh
but again
it feels kinda odd without irene
we were really close and were a wacky pair
she's far away in labuan
i hope she has great friends over there
anyway
i have quite nice friends here
i always thought that law students
were the stereotyped bookworm kind
i was wrong
the most gorgeous,
hottest and
hippest dudes and chicks
are law students
of course there are some
who have yet
maximise their physical outlook
but generally
law students are smart
both in books and street-wise
i'm proud to be here
anyway
i was nominated as freshie queen
when freshies and even seniors
were cheering for me
i was overwhelmed by a sense of pride
i'm glad that people like the new me
anyway
i didn't win, but i am a happy runner up
=p
law classes have started
i know i am under good hands
taught by the best
professors in the country
equipped with the best and widest
law library in asia
and helpful seniors and tutors
although life will be tough
and stressful as a law student
i know i would be proud
of the law degree i shall obtain
at the end of all these shit
it will all be worth it

stuff at home are rough
bro's causing lots of shit
mum's going through hell
crying about how horrible her life is
and that she won't be able to live any longer
when i was younger
i would feel that she deserve all these shit
maybe i have matured
i pity her
seriously
it must be hard to bring up a
teenager with raging hormones lik my brother
but i'm far away
i care less
i dont really want to care
about all the shit at home
it's not that i'm ignorant
or insensitive
neither does it mean that
i do not love my family
i just want to be happy
and forget bout all the shit
i've gone through it all
and it had made me much stronger
and a much happy person now

anyway
i miss my baby badly
but we are seriously drifting apart
distance seriously matters
we spend less
and less time together
i'm afraid that our love will end soon
i love him
but it just seems like
we are far too different
i know he feels insecure
his baby is far away
sometimes i just hope that
he would trust me
it really irritates me
when he gets over sensitive
and jealous
over little things
we are both adults
i do not want to feel suffocated in a relationship
if love is what bonds us
it will bring us together in the end
i just hope that stuff will be fine between us
i'm missing him more and more
day by day
i wish he is by my side
to share my happiness
=]