heartfelt

alarm rang at 6
snoozed till 6.45
got up, bathed, dressed and got ready
had breakfast and went to the faculty
sulked about lousy earphones and low battery
waited darn long for some members to arrived
hopped into fina's car and were speeding (literally) to kajang
cursed her driving 'skills'
finally reached kajang prison
i was very excited at first
suddenly i felt scared
really nervous
had body checks and surrendered our phones and all
security was really tight
went through god-knows-how-many gates and finally into the prison
it was my first time in a real prison
i didn't know that prisons now have better facilities
tv and even air con and computers
wow
anyway
i was assigned to a group to inmates
they were about 16-24 years old
noticed a few eyes kept looking at me
it scares me in a way
they keep whistling and wanting to get close to me
the other members kept looking at me
we were not supposed to attract attention or provoke them
i bet they felt i was being flirty or what crap
i don't really care
zairi was really nice to be protective of me when i was scared
i was afraid and didn't really dared to be friendly
had icebreaking and got to know them
noticed a few special inmates
some were actually really handsome and educated
some were illiterate and neither spoke bm nor english
some were really passive and had the distant look in their eyes
some were hyperactive
some were really sweet
it was quite a big group to manage
it was quite fun having games with them
at some points i some sort of 'forgotten' that i was dealing with prisoners
people who have committed murder or rape or whatever it is
i felt sad for some of them
to know that they are imprisoned till god-knows-when
for accidently killing someone without intention
there was a group of really smart teenagers who had great future
they beat up a boy with intention to scare him a bit
the boy unfortunately happened to be an asthma patient
and died
all of them are imprisoned till the sultan says they are free
i feel really sad for them
they have no future
they have no idea when they will be released
nor when will they have their freedom again
if they would ever be released
they can never be the same anymore
no matter how much they regret the accident
it's sad to know that such are happening in our society
and i felt privileged to be able to educate them
to touch their lives
the lives who do not believe in help and in justice
the lives who have given up hope in live
the lives who are abandoned and not cared for
the lives who made mistakes and will never be able to turn back
my heart goes out to them
i have been involved in lots of social work
but this time
this trip
it was really heartfelt
i felt that i was really doing something useful
i am really committed into this programme
and i really hope to go again over and over again
to talk to them
i learn to appreciate my life
tears dwell my eyes to talk to them
it's sad ain't it?
maybe i'm over sensitive
but i believe that everyone makes mistakes
their mistakes may be major mistakes
but if they regret, repent and really want to be different
i believe in second chances
i had many second chances in my life
they don't
it was really meaningful
i was reluctant to leave just now
i was passive on the way back
a lot of stuff were running through my head

anyway
roomie went back home
ken's taking me out tonight
might go for shopping and movies tomorrow
i had to cancel the night out with weiqing
promised him a night out next week
ricky's leaving soon
i HAVE to make time to meet him
i know it's hard for my boy to have a girlfriend like me
but i really hope he trusts me and knows how much i love him
my baby boy

his birthday is coming soon
i still do not know what to get for him
i just cant wait to see him again
i love him