Wednesday, August 20, 2008

i might be falling into my depression again
and i swear i am doing everything i can
to not fall into that stage,
that horrible phase again

finally
went to the plastic surgeon today
afta a few months of delay
talked about the pros and cons bout the surgery
talked about some alternatives
surgery is still the dominating option
i know it is unnecessary
but to me, it just means a whole lot
i am afraid
of the persistent pain
of the permanent scarring
of the risk of infection and what craps
of regretting
afraid of everything
baby is unhappy over it
i know he loves me much
and not want to see me risk hurting myself
mum told me to think about it again
dad doesn't really care
i wish i could talk to someone who would really understand
and not tell me what i already know about
the risks and cons of the surgery
who can really know and feel what i feel inside
of how badly i want this
i don't know about regretting
all i know is how badly i want to do this
to get rid of this burden
i don't know about ugly scarring and persistent pain
all i know is that it will be worth it
i don't know about the risks and consequences
all i know is that this operation
might just be the key to a happier me
god knows what the future holds for me
and if this is the right thing i should do
but right now, it just feels right
of all the tears i cried and all the shit i felt in my life
this feels right
and if things go my way
it will be done in december
don't ask me if i know what i'm doing
because i don't
don't ask me if i will regret
because i don't know

2 comments:

Irene said...

what the fuck you doing man.

雨银 said...

dear??
what happen??
dun wry k..
no matter wat happen u stil hav us...k?
take k~~