urinary track infection

urgh. i hate my body when shit happens.

it's bad enough to have been struggling with flu for god-knows-how-many-weeks already, and now, this? urgh. i am so frustrated. i'm having UTI, urinary track infection. if you think it's a deadly disease because i dont keep my cipet clean, fuck you. seriously, fuck you.

it's a bacteria infection which affects any part of the urinary tract. i was so freakin scared that my kidney was affected and would bring back the deadly kidney failure i survived when i was a kid. symptoms show that my kidney is fortunately not affected, my bladder is.

among the symptoms i am experiencing from bladder infection are frequency urination, causing the urgency to pee every few minutes and yet there is very little/no urine; pain and burning sensations throughout the urethra track; and having pus and blood in urine. i only started to freak out when the blood pee-ing started. gawd, it FUCKIN hurts like mad. seriously.

UTI is the second most common type of infection in the body and mild UTI happens to half of the women in the world, it's a matter of seriousness and 1 of 5 women in the world would need trips to the clinic thanks to UTi at one point of their lives. and why on earth does it has to happen to me? grrrrr.... and mum started the whole sex talk again. apparently UTI is triggered by many reasons like not drinking enough water, food allergies, hygiene and sexually active women are very prone to UTI. =.='' so here goes the whole, "dont fuck around, you're still very young" talk =.=''

it may be also because my immune system is lower due to kidney problems when i was young, thus causing UTI. and the doctor said it is most probably cause i dont drink enough water okay? why does every freaking problem which occurs below the waist has to be linked to sex? =.=''

i dont deal with pain very well. i think i am sorta 'unstable' when dealing with pain. i start with being very disconnected and quiet. then i start talking about it to baby. and i start complaining. a bit too much. and then i start singing for no reason at all. just to keep my mind off the pain. i talk to myself. whispering and talking out loud about things which dont make sense. i become death-paranoid. i lock myself. i sing again. i come out and talk to him, about nothing at all. just crapping whatever goes through my mind. then when he starts getting less interested, i get mad for no reason. i let out anger on the walls and my stuff. i have monologues which i speak out loud, talking and replying myself. then i become very quiet and refuse to talk. i think my puppy monster felt my tension and started to go crazy also. he started running around like mad and being uncontrollable and making mad noises which drove me crazy. it in turn made me lose my cool and scream at the lil pup like i was mad and hit him with my bolster and then i fall apart and cried. sigh. cant i just deal with pain like everyone else, just cry and get over with it?

i sat in the toilet for one whole hour trying to study, thank god that the aircon blows straight into the attached bathroom and thank god for toilet bowls. i cant imagine needing to squat for one whole hour pee-ing 2 drops every 10 seconds. and luckily i had babygirl irene to talk to, if not i would still be stuck in the bathroom going through crazy pain and agony because i thought doctors would make me stay in the hospital. lol. apparently all i needed was just a few tablets and solubles =.=''

despite going to the clinic at 2am yesterday and paying an over-priced consultation fee and taking medications and drinking tons of water, it still fucking hurts. gah. please make it go away =( at least i dont need to sit in the toilet all the time. still hurts darn much though. =(