Monday, August 17, 2009

neglected friends.

a friend called last night. asking me about another mutual friend, if i talked to her. if she's alright. he told me she cried. he told me she had issues. he told me she didnt know who to talk to and she felt lonely.

it broke me.

the first thing that came to mind, was if she's ok.

the second thing, was why. why didnt she call me? why does she feel she is alone?
why do i always get to know that things happened to the people closest to me, via another person? am i not the person she would call whenever anything happens, be it good or bad?

i guess i can only blame myself because i dont really care that much anymore. i spend less time talking to people whom i used to be very close with because i am too engrossed with my own life and new friends. i am too caught up in my own selfish world.

it's not that i dont value friendship. i do. in fact, friends are the number one priority in my heart. i might not spend that much time contacting and talking to old friends, but it doesnt mean i dont care anymore.

it doesnt mean i've forgotten.

i still miss you guys.

i still care.

but it's just human nature that people tend to drift apart. people tend to move on. i'm sorry i'm one of them. i think what really matters in friendship is that we both know that we both still care, even without the occasional text messages and forwarded emails, or shopping plans and late night suppers. you're still in my heart.

all i can say to her is that i'm sorry she felt i wasnt there. i'm always here for her, be it whether she realises it or not. even though sometimes i tend to be in the background like i dont really care, i still do. and it hurts me to know that she feels i dont anymore.

for friends which i've neglected, do know i still miss you guys.

sometimes i lay at night, wondering how are you doing? wondering if you still think bout me. wonder if you're smiling or crying tonight. wonder if you would want to share your joy or sorrow with me.

i still care and love you guys.
and i dont want to die lonely.

3 comments:

雨银 said...

sweetie..i dunno whether d "her" izzit me..
bt..jz 2 let u noe..
u r owez in the 1st place in my heart..
i din mean to not goin 2 u whenever i hav pro..
jz tat..
i've learnt 2 grow..
stop relying on ppl..
ppl oso has their right x to listen 2 ur issue right?
stop making myself to b such reliable on frens..
stop making myself 2 b such an annoyed person..
started 2 live in d dun k world v a x care attitude..
at least nw i wont get hurt anymore..
jz like wat u said the other day whn we chatted on9..
it's actually ok to b cold..
to protect myself...

no worries dear...i'll surely go to u whenever i cant stand any more..
tat day he phoned me,
i sin plan 2 talk bout it actually...
bt..end up...i oso dunno y we started talking..
n my tears started to roll down my cheeks..

yet..
after tat night..
i felt release..
i noe i stil hav ur..
though we r ar apart..
i noe i still hav u..
though we din really keep in touch..
i noe i nid 2 move on..
v ur accompany beside me..
so...

ur ah ma has grown up..
being tougher,stronger..
and of cz..
love u more...

really x worries..
din go to u doest mean i forgotten bout u...
is jz tat..I'm in the process of learning...
learn to b more mature..
learn to deal v my feelings...
learn to corp in my problem...

thx for letting me noe u r there for me..
really..
i really appreciate it..

love ya~

-LuVeRGaL- said...

you have to stop thinking that you're a burden to us. you have to stop thinking that you're annoying. we love you. and we wouldnt feel that you're a burden. everyone cares bout u k?

whether you realise it or not, everyone in xie jiao oso care bout you mama. not just me. everyone is worried. everyone is asking and wondering. everyone is trying to figure out how to make you feel better. you just cant shut us out this way and give up on us.

yes, it is true that being cold is a selfish way to protect ourselves from being hurt. i know friendship especially xie jiao matters a lot to you and it hurts you to know that it isnt the way it used to be anymore.

if i could turn back time, i would. i would go back to our days in college where everything was so simple and our friendship was so strong. back to where we would goof around in lectures and laugh the loudest in cafes and have pillow talks in the room and and played in the rain and have you nag at us when we dont wash our bowls and have you sleep next to me with that winnie the pooh pyjamas and chase each other in with flour in our faces and trying to push one another into the 'waterfall'. but i cant. all of these are beautiful memories which we will never forget. even though my memory card was ruined and i lost a lot of pictures and videos, but i still remember every single thing that happened, vividly in my mind.

i love you much too and do know i really care even though i know i seldom call or sms or talk anymore. you can always talk to me.

xie jiao is a beautiful friendship we shared. something so pure and beautiful which matters to every single one of us. never think that we dont care anymore. we still do. even more now, than before.

yee suang said...

ah ma,here to say sorry if i had hurt u before...
ur daughter me...aslo grow up dy..thamx for ur accompany..thanx for ur advice and thanx...
when im sad u r by my side,when im blur u give me guidance...
before that im also too emotional,always think things negative
but now i have think properly,we still love each other,no matter how...
vivian,thanx too,i love you all...
ah ma,just like vivian say,we never give up of you
didnt contact not mean that we are not care about you
just sometimes we really dun have the time,but all of us know that,we are care each other
you all never dissappear from my heart,u all always my best best fren
u r always my good ah ma...
although im not by ur side,although i din msg u always,although i din keep in touch with u
but i know,u r always in my heart,really...
that day after skating,im crying and keep asking shum...y will like that,y our frenship will become like that...
but now i know,and i think properly,not become so emotional...
you are always in my heart...
vivian,take good care of urself k,sometimes i dunno how to ask u whether you are ok o not...
i know you wanna think alone and be alone...but if gt anything then tell me k...
thanx a lot,my frens...