Wednesday, December 16, 2009

time will heal

my heart sank to know that a loved one of a friend passed away last saturday.

it hit me once again. that nothing is permanent. life is short. and very fragile. one moment he's there. the next he's not. when you least expected it.

i cried. hearing her trembling voice trying to hold back her tears. reading her blog noting every single emotion she's going through. i feel her pain.

seven months has passed since He passed me by.

time has healed a huge part of me. and of us who were devastated by his death. i wouldnt say that time can completely heal something as awful as the passing of a loved one, but time definitely made me realise a lot of issues and forced me to accept reality. it doesnt mean it's much easier now. lonely tearful nights still seem to drag on forever.

i know how it feels to cry myself to sleep every single night regretting not doing enough. regretting taking him forgranted. i blamed myself for causing his death. crying till i just had no strength to cry anymore. drinking till i was so drunk and wasted just so that the pain would go away. refuse to talk about it because i dont want symphaties and i dont want people to judge me. imagining things and seeing terrible visions of his bloody dead body, even when i sleep, i see him in my dreams. i've gone through it all. the pain is still imminent. it is slowly fading away, but it still lingers.

although 7months has passed now, and life still goes on; although i am no longer as broken as i used to, i still lay at night sometimes, thinking of him. missing him. and wondering what life would be, had he not pass us by. i still shed a tear or two regretting what had happened.

the only way you can move on is to untangle the knot in your heart, yourself, and let time heal the pain, which only you can feel. i know now, that moving on doesnt mean forgetting. it simply means you can accept reality and have to keep living your life for the both of you. which i have and am striving to do.

i know now, that there's nothing i can do to make him come back, but he'll live in my memories forever.

if you ask me, how did i forget and let go of him?

all i can say is that,

i never did. and i never will.

but i HAVE and WANT to live this life,
for the both of us.

good luck to you, girl.
and know that you're not alone

love and hugs,


雨银 said...

i'll b there for u...owez..
n i promise...ya..moving on doesn t mean to forget...
to me, it is our process of life..move on, n keeping it deep inside ur heart...i noe u doesnt mean it...i noe u did not ask for it...
bt..try letting it down n cont ur life..i'll b right beside u and hold ur hand to remind u to stand strong...u did nothg wrong..
dun feel guilty...dun let it haunt u..

haiya..i oso dunno wat m i crapping...
jz a simple msg 2 let u noe..i'm owez here..owez..
luv u..*hugs~*

-LuVeRGaL- said...

i love u. so much. and no matter how much the world changes and whatever shit happens, i know one thing for sure, that god blessed me with the greatest friend i could ever ask for. thanks for being there for me. always. muax!

yee suang said...

be tough dear...
we will always by ur side...
no matter what you need to live...
Jia you!!!muackx...*wipe ur tears*

-LuVeRGaL- said...

love u guys much! =)