Thursday, January 7, 2010

struggling to adapt

to my darlings, ma and irene, thanks for the blog post. you know i love you girls to bits too and i do appreciate how lucky i am to live through the horrible crash.

people have been awfully nice to me, sympathetic and caring. i'm definitely not complaining bout it that people give me warm bear hugs when they see me, and being super sweet to offer me rides and take me out for dinners and everything. all the overwhelming calls and smses and fb comments, i know i am loved =)

i just thought of blogging to fill in the blanks about how am i coping with life now. honestly, it still hasnt knocked me that hard yet, since he drives me around. but i know its gonna be tough when he leaves, which i believe is pretty soon. i kick myself sometimes cause i hate myself for taking my car for granted, because now i know that its not gonna be easy.

people who know me well, know that i hate being dependant. i hate needing to beg or even ask repeatedly for a favour. i hate feeling like i owe people when they help me out in something, i hate feeling like i am a burden to others. which i feel like i am right now.

i know i should feel lucky instead of feeling depressed over the loss of material things. i do feel extremely blessed to escape an accident so bad, but at the same time, i think it should never had happened in the first place and i kick myself because it did. i know it happened beyond my control, but then again, had i been more careful, or think fast, or even be a bit more observant, these would not have even happened.

ah well. just a bit of ranting. i know i cant undo what's done and no amount of regrets would change what has already happened.

have been so busy with packing and shifting at the time being. for those who still havent know, i've shifted back to ss2 from shah alam. am currently still busy cleaning and unpacking and arranging my stuff. its unbelievable how much things i have, like seriously. urgh. its always nice to feel welcomed by my super sweet housemates.

other than that, i still feel like kicking myself whenever i feel like going out to buy something right away, or whenever i feel like going out for a drive, or whenever i feel like going somewhere, because i cant. i have to ask for a favour from others to pick me or grab a cab. i feel SOOOO handicapped. like seriously. i've never felt so handicapped in my life, as i do right now. =(

gotta get home now and tend to my darling toy toy before he throws a tantrum. hope to be able to blog real soon cz my laptop is being super retard and unable to connect to the internet. urgh.


i do hope things would get better. still keeping my fingers crossed for good things to happen. its a bad start to 2010 already. please dont get any worse =/

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