Monday, July 5, 2010

angels cry

2.30am and i stood naked in front of the mirror after shower and broke into tears due to frustration, disappointment, bitterness and hatred. towards myself.



am so fat and unmotivated to do anything about it
i've got blackheads and blemishes infested on my face
tons of ingrown hairs and bumps on my legs
extremely dry disgusting skin
unsightly chipped nails
broken and chapped lips
painful huge ass ulcers
awfully small ugly eyes and flat nose
tangled oily hair falling off
ugly scars from history of skin problems
unruly overgrown eyebrows
cellulite on my thick thighs
massive manly arms
sad ol flat ass
saggy horribly scarred boobs
short stubby fat legs
bulging disgusting tummy
and the list goes on and on and on...





fml seriously.







am feeling awfully emo and frustrated and angry and absolutely upset with myself, how lazy and unmotivated i am to do anything about it. all these negative feelings which were buried for some time were triggered when i started surfing for some treatments for ingrown hairs and blackheads and suddenly it started to hit me, that i've got tons of incurable problems and what nots. feeling sorry for myself and how shitty i have became due to my laziness and bad attitute. fuck my life.



and nobody should love me cause i cant even love myself. how can i when there's nothing to love. there's no such thing as beautiful from the inside. cause if you're not beautiful outside, who would bother to look inside anyway? i know everyone has their flaws, cause nobody's perfect. but i feel so imperfect and broken cause life's a bitch and absolutely unfair to me. behind the thick makeup and fake personality masking everything, there's still me. full of flaws and full of shit.



am so bitter, fucked up and frustrated with everything. well so much for updates. *rolls eyes*. another pathetic sad emo post. now if you'd excuse me, i am off to stuff my face with ice cream and fat food and continue sobbing to sad songs and depressing ballads.





I shouldn't have walked away
I would've stayed if you said

We could've made everything okay

But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
we used to touch the sky

And
Lightning don't strike the same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry

True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

I thought we'd be forever and always


You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was okay
I do somethin' stupid
And you still stay with me
But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone

And


We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye'
Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice


When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry


C'mon baby can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry


Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you


Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you


Lightning don't strike
The same place twice

When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let it slip
In a storm

Every night I feel the angels cry


Oh baby, the angels cry



a beautiful song which makes me cry everytime i listen to it, at least until i get sick of it. it causes this painful sting, reminding me of all my hidden emotions and feelings, beautifully expressed in the song.

tears will dry, but there will always be a trail of bitterness. pictures will fade, but the memories will remain. people say time heals. perhaps it will, but i know the scars will remain.

imy, still.

i dont even know where all these emotions and tears are coming from. ah. great. i've successfully made myself feel even worse than before, feeling even more miserable. pathetic much. goodnight.

2 comments:

lazy doggie said...

pss...hey dear..don say till urself so wat dat can anot..d next time i see u still d pretty lass i noe de lar.. :) n I LOVE angels cry too..hehe i like d song den onli see d lyrics de..n..cya soon in PJ k..don think much bout ur outlooking..u muz love urself jz like how we love u mar..muackxx..

ps:updating blog :S wanna pengsan after upload d picx

-LuVeRGaL- said...

thanks sweetheart. love u much! muahhh~